A Well Informed Guide to Throwing a Dinner Party

When I was growing up my mother gave frequent dinner parties for 6 to 8 people which is a size that fits comfortably at the dining table and allows for a free flow of conversation.  What I realized as an adult was that no one was coming for the great food.   My mother was, at best, a serviceable cook, but the wine flowed, the china and silver sparkled in the candlelight and she would get out my great grandmother’s beautiful art deco napkins. 

I love to throw dinner parties and I probably throw a dinner party a quarter. I just hosted a party for six the other day, 

Over the years, I’ve noticed that a lot of women, young, old, successful, confident women start falling apart at the idea of throwing a dinner party. One second, they’re about to send the invites and next thing you’re knowing they’re making reservations somewhere. 

Don’t. Give. Up. 

I think I am a pretty good cook, but what I realized as an adult was that no one was coming for the great food.   

I learned that everyone likes to go out with friends and have someone else provide the food.   As a friend once said to me when our children were little “Even a tuna salad sandwich is fabulous when someone else makes it!”

I gave my first dinner party my junior year in college.  I was 19 and I lived with three other young women in a dorm apartment with a kitchenette.   

We, somehow, made homemade lasagna, fresh bread and a big Caesar salad and invited a bunch of our friends.   Not sure how we did it in that tiny kitchen, but everyone had fun.   

So, Lesson One: 

The important thing to remember when throwing a dinner party is that your friends are happy to have a night out.   And They Are Your Friends!  Axios just wrote a piece about throwing dinner parties.   

We're hanging out less. There's been a decades-long decline in face-to-face socializing — and it was only exacerbated by the pandemic.

It’s a rallying cry.  

Throw a dinner party!  

If you don’t have time to cook, you could do a take out Chinese buffet.   Use all of those serving dishes you got as wedding gifts and let people serve themselves.   Or, you could make a big green salad and serve takeout pizza.   Even pizza or take out Chinese feels like a party if you serve it on good dishes with real silver and cloth napkins.   Here’s a secret, champagne is fabulous with Chinese food!

That leads to Lesson Two: 

These People Are Your Friends! They are predisposed to enjoy the evening.

It’s a rallying cry.  Throw a dinner party!  

Get out your good china and cloth napkins! 

Lay in the beer, wine, spirits and champagne! 

Unless the only people you know are drones, you have a recipe for success. 

If you don’t have time to cook, you could do a take out Chinese buffet.   Use all of those serving dishes you got as wedding gifts and let people serve themselves.   

Here’s a secret, champagne is fabulous with Chinese food!

 I’m a big believer that nice things are meant to be used.   I use my sterling flatware every day and I run it through the dishwasher.   I figured out a few years ago that I only used the plates from my fine china, so I packed up all the teacups, saucers and strange little dishes I never used and put them in the basement.   This is how I store my china and serving dishes:

This is an old closet in my dining room which we used as a pantry when our children were little before we built the new kitchen.  I also have a couple of sideboards that I use:

Now remember, this is 40 years of collecting and also the accumulation as a result of being the only child of an only child of an only girl in a family who were interior decorators.  You don’t need all of this to have friends over.  And, as you can see, I don’t have any fancy storage containers.   If you have something that’s particularly delicate, you can put sheets of paper towel between the plates.   

The important thing is to keep your things where you can get to them easily.   If getting it out is too difficult, you will never use it!  

If you don’t have dishes, and want them, they’re pretty easy to buy these days.   I got a lot of mine on Ebay.  Etsy is also a great resource,  as are your local resale shops or flea markets.   For my last big party(60 guests) instead of buying plastic plates and flatware I bought a bunch of 7-8” plates and silver plated flatware on  eBay to augment what I already had.  They are the perfect for a buffet, reusable and I run them through the dishwasher. After a couple parties I’m ahead on the purchase price and I’m not sending bags of trash to the landfill.

Here are some of my plates:

There’s nothing wrong with mixing patterns.   In fact, I think a mix is more fun.    

Next week I’ll share  my go-to desert recipe for brownies and one of my main courses, lasagna.  I like things I can make ahead so I can spend my time enjoying myself with my friends!

Following that I’ll be sharing more recipes and more dinner party tricks: how to plan the menu, how to get the right guest mix so no one sits next to a drone, who to invite, how to place people for maximum good conversation.

As we get deeper into November, I’ll tackle the ultimate white knuckler of a dinner party: Thanksgiving(sadly, you don’t get much wiggle room on the guest list for Thanksgiving)

Here’s a hint: Thanksgiving really is easier than it looks. And, you get to show off that new china and silverware you just got on ebay. 

A couple of years ago, Mr. Herr decided we needed to get bikes for the lake and ride them as an alternative to walking every day.

On one hand, they’re right: riding a bike is like riding a bike, you don’t forget how.

On the other hand, is that fearlessness you had at 19 can easily evaporate by the time you’re 60. 

Mr. Herr and I got on those bikes and rode. We call it “Conquering your fears.”

Conquering your fears is just another way of saying, “Don’t give up!”

I’m riding bikes and cooking and throwing parties. You should too!